The following are Kulerski and Cornelison’s blog posts from their Chicago Tribune - Chicago Now – “The Way We War” blog.
“I want my divorce lawyer to be part pit bull; part Doberman, part shark, and the rest Cobra…someone who will make my spouse suffer.”
Does this sound familiar? Of course it does. We have all heard of angry or hurt soon-to-be ex spouses making statements like this. The problem is that this is the problem. Our predisposition to fight is one of the biggest reasons that divorce has become so lengthy and costly.
Divorce wars do not pay. We do. Getting that ‘pound of flesh’ is not free; it is a luxury, like buying a new BMW when you do not want one.
While the system admittedly is far from perfect, we have a bigger problem. The real culprit is more fundamental…it is something that society does not prepare us for.
Society does not show us how to stay out of the legal system. It tells us how to behave during marriage, but it does not tell us how to behave during divorce. We take driving, karate, piano, ballet, and golf lessons, but there is no such thing as divorce lessons.
We do not receive any guidance on what we should say and do (and should not say and do) to persuade our partner to consider a compromise settlement before our dispute reaches the legal system. We are not offered any insight into preventing our problem from becoming a disaster. A century of divorce wars suggests that we need some help in this department.
Marriage is difficult by nature, but divorce is often difficult by choice. “The Way We War” reveals some simple things that we can do to prevent our divorce experience from becoming any harder than it has to be.
When they explode and let anger get the best of them, let it go. Expect your spouse to lose it at least twice during the 
By definition, perspective is how we see or understand something. It is what gives us our point of view.
Try not to say yes to a first offer, even if you think it’s a good deal. Doing so leaves your spouse with thoughts that they offered too much.
Your spouse is going to have a differing view anyway, so don’t fight it.This does not mean that you have to agree with your partner’s position; it merely requires you to accept their right to have such a position. You must also let them know that you respect their right to see things as they do.
