We Underestimate the Fury We Will Face
Many divorces start out friendly and then turn into train wrecks. One reason for this is because we are not properly prepared to handle the potentially explosive nature of divorce settlement discussions with our soon-to-be ex.
A barrage of fury awaits us at the bargaining table where we are prone to retaliate by adding our own fury to the mix. When our spouse says something confrontational, we become angry and retaliatory. When we are insulted, we insult back. In doing so, we aggravate our partner and aggravated partners do not want to settle, they want to fight.
No one has ever won an argument by alienating their opponent.
We fire back because we seem to think that firing back is free. It isn’t. It complicates the divorce process and causes unnecessary litigation. We are not giving our spouse a pass when we do not return their attack; we are giving our wallets a pass.
Boxers do not get upset when they get punched and football players do not get upset when they get tackled. They expect to be punched and tackled and we should expect to be confronted and insulted. For us to think otherwise is naive.
The best way to prepare for being insulted or verbally attacked is to anticipate its happening. When you know it is coming, there is no shock and there is no justifiable reason to react instinctively (and at your own expense). Simply expect an attack and you will automatically be in a position to brush it off.
Accept in advance that your spouse will be volatile or difficult; and, if you hope to prevent your divorce from becoming unnecessarily painful, lengthy, or costly, never, ever fight back no matter how tempted you may be to do so.