This is an interesting question that has two answers, depending on who you ask. Many of us have heard the expression, “She took me to the cleaners.” This is certainly a popular belief among males, but is it really the norm?
Probably not. We are sure that there are occasions where this is true; however it may not be nearly as accurate as the anecdotal stories would have us believe.
As divorce lawyers practicing in both DuPage and Cook Counties, IL, we see where both sexes have blind-spots and vulnerabilities.
We invite you to ask any male friend or family member if they believe women get a raw deal in divorce.
Or, switch it around, and ask any female if she thinks men get a raw deal in divorce?
The people we have asked not only answer no; they also get a look on their faces suggesting it would be moronic for anyone to answer otherwise. Their automatic no is the result of their perspective.
By definition, perspective is how we see or understand something. It’s our point of view. We do not see things as they are; we see things as we are.
Perspectives are involuntary, subjective, and extremely personal. They are formed over the years by our life experiences, and are almost impossible to change..
Once we have a perspective, everything we observe is seen with this perspective in mind. When we notice things that confirm the righteousness of our view, we accept them as evidence that our perspective is correct. When something does not confirm our view, we minimize, ignore it, or deny its validity.
What is it that causes both males and females to form their initial belief that their gender gets a raw deal in divorce? It is the fact that there are no winners in divorce. When there are no clear winners, both sexes walk away seeing themselves as losers.
There can be no winners because both parties leave the divorce system with less than they had when they entered it (and this is true even before the attorneys get paid). The system cannot give anyone more than they had when the divorce started.
One thing is apparent, with neither sex believing they received a positive result; the only message that can get circulated throughout society is that the gender in question has lost again.
Incidentally, we did a Google search for “Do men get screwed in divorce?” on February 5, 2012 and found 4,230,000 hits. We then did the same search for “Do women get screwed in divorce?” and were surprised to see that this question had 4,500,000 hits.
Can it be concluded from these numbers that getting screwed in the divorce process does not seem to be gender specific?