This is the first in a series of many professional negotiation tips that provide revealing insider insights on what divorcing parties can now do to persuade one another to agree to an out of court settlement.
Don’t Ever Tell Your Spouse that You Are Being Fair.
“Fairness” is a standard that exists only in the mind of the speaker. Your partner will typically deem something else as “fair”, and will resent your attempt to tell them how or what to think. Depicting your position as “fair” is the same thing as telling them that they aren’t as wise as you are. Using this term cannot accomplish anything good; it only stirs up unwanted trouble at a critical time.
This is divorce and, if you hope to avoid a costly court battle, you cannot afford to aggravate your spouse unnecessarily. Whoever is being fair or unfair will play out (or not) naturally during your negotiations. It does not help for either of you to challenge the nametag that the other puts on his or her settlement position.
There are more than enough items to argue about in divorce, and the mere use of the word “fair” should not be one of them.