Listening to your spouse’s perspective can be painful because you know they see things “incorrectly,” while you see things “correctly.”
Accepting that they will never see things as you do reduces the frustration and expense of the divorce process. It is much easier to accept something if we realize it was never within our control to begin with.
How do you handle this?
First, remember that your spouse has had different life experiences, and it is perfectly normal for them to see things differently. Then, make yourself curious about your spouse’s perspective and let them know that you are interested in how they perceive the situation. When they make a proposal you don’t agree with, do not shoot it down right away. Keep asking questions about what they based their thinking upon.
Skillfully dealing with your spouse’s perspective is the heart and soul of reaching a divorce settlement. It is necessary for us to understand our partner’s perspective as it is, not as what we think it is or what we wish it to be.
It is impossible to gain such an understanding without first listening to what they are trying to tell us. This is why no one has ever reached a quick and sensible settlement by talking. The trick is in listening, or at least pretending to listen.