Achieving peace and harmony in a divorce may seem just a little far-fetched.
You’re angry and filled with resentment. How can you come to terms with these feelings and hold it together during your DuPage County divorce?
No matter how you look at it, and whether you like it or not, the simplest and most effective way to satisfy your divorce needs is to overcome “the norm” and rise above your feelings. Get over it! No one says it will be easy, but it will definitely be worth it. Cooperative law and divorce mediation in DuPage County can help.
When either party of a divorce is rude, offensive or even abusive, they should expect the same treatment in return. This leads to a downward spiral that must be avoided at all costs.
Most importantly, bad feelings and distasteful actions spill over into the lives of children – threatening their security and playing havoc on their childhood.
Married or divorced, the foremost obligation of parents is to maintain a strong co-parenting relationship.
“You and your soon-to-be ex will always be responsible for the security of the children,” according to Charlie and Barb Asher on their website – www.uptoparents.org. A former trial lawyer, Asher has authored court specific plans for the evolvement of cooperative family law measures and he and his wife, Barb, a former social worker and counselor, are directing their efforts into a family charity aimed at helping parents protect their children.
The establishment of a strong co-parenting relationship provides everything children need from Day 1 and will be responsible for solving thousands of issues in years to come. From Little League to college, and through braces and dating, being courteous, cooperative and respectful to each other will create stability for children. The Ashers consider it a “daily opportunity to build the team children need.”
Encouraging courts and family professionals to consider the future co-parenting relationship as a common client, Charlie Asher affirms in his support of cooperative law that, “simple statements of courtesy between parents often spell the difference between hurting kids and literally saving them.”
If there is any hope of attaining a friendly divorce settlement and maintaining a strong co-parenting relationship, divorcing parties must undertake a process that includes understanding three fundamentals: perspectives, emotions and language/listening.
By working through basic steps, divorcing couples can stay away from typical divorce war tactics and realize the value in creating a working relationship that just might get them through the divorce process in one peace.
When we blame our spouse, we do it to show them how wrong they were and why they now owe us a fair settlement. Since no one ever wants to accept blame, this approach makes them angry, and angry people do not settle cases – they fight. And, they also make lousy decisions.
First, remember that your spouse has had different life experiences, and it is perfectly normal for them to see things differently. Then, make yourself curious about your spouse’s perspective and let them know that you are interested in how they perceive the situation. When they make a proposal you don’t agree with, do not shoot it down right away. Keep asking questions about what they based their thinking upon.
How do we let our spouse know that we are willing to do our part to achieve a sensible, out of court settlement?
