You know…pleasant, kind, considerate, well-mannered and cordial. Sound hard? Well, it may be, but it’s the best way to get everything you want out of a divorce.
That’s right! You do it to avoid a long, bad, ugly, divisive and expensive divorce. You do it to save dignity, mental stability and physical health. You do it because it is absolutely essential for your well-being and for the well-being of the family unit.
When kids are involved, it’s important to do whatever it takes to shelter them from the conflict. Put aside resentments to make room for cooperation and focus on a brighter future, according to Charlie and Barb Asher, creators of the website www.uptoparents.org. Charlie, a former trial lawyer and his wife, Barb a former social worker and counselor, have turned the insights of their past careers into a family charity aimed at helping parents protect their children.
“Judges’ decisions don’t solve a family’s problems; in fact, resorting to court almost always leaves parents, children and families more fractured.” This statement is one of the nine truths contradicting the myths of divorce found on the website which is dedicated to reminding parents how focusing on their children’s needs’ can help everyone in the family.
“If you are in conflict, your children are in danger,” the Ashers warn. “And only you, their parents, can protect them from that danger.”
An ensuing fight between parents is the last thing kids need. Many parents conceive a fight as necessary to “protect” their children. The truth is fighting can’t protect children because the fight is precisely what’s hurting the children. A good relationship between parents will always be important to your children – married or divorced – a good co-parenting relationship is essential.
Being nice to the soon-to-be ex does not mean being weak; it means being smart.
Acting nicely is salesmanship. If you want a cooperative and sensible divorce in DuPage County – an out of court divorce settlement – you have to sell your partner on your settlement position. Use salesmanship instead of hostility and confrontation. Instead, listen to what your spouse says and convince them that you heard every word they said. Validate their point of view. Always remember that no one has ever won an argument by arguing.
The old method of fighting it out in divorce court is not working. Divorce is expensive and the process can be brutal. The friendly or cooperative approach to divorce will help insure that you don’t end a bad marriage with an even worse divorce.
Establishing a stable environment for children who are already suffering from the painful losses of a separation should be one of the key goals parents seek once they find themselves facing a 
When you are with the children, do not refer to the other parent as “Your mother” or “Your father.” Instead, say, “Did mom enjoy the card you gave her?” It is critical that you always refer to the other parent as mom or dad.
Divorcing parents should strive to build a firewall between their marital problems and the children. 
Children need their parents to tell them, in an age-appropriate way, why the parents are divorcing, and how the divorce will affect them. They do not need to have the details.
